My wife is out helping some friends this morning, so it is just my son (who is now 13 months) and I. After a breakfast of watered-down apple juice, squash, and banana, I figured I’d give the little guy a bath. I wasn’t aware of the experiences ahead of me.
I got the water going. Shane was naked and standing at the edge of the tub eagerly awaiting to be put in. As I was adjusting the temperature of the water, Shane decided he’d take a tinkle on the outside wall of the tub. Great. I washed it up and put him in the tub. He enjoys trying to grab the stream of water as if it were something solid to grab ahold of. I noticed that my finger nails were getting a bit on the long side, so I grabbed the clipper and did the deed. Shortly after, I noticed that Shane was having some toots. Then he sat still and the toots increased until there was solid tooting for about 20 seconds. He was pushing hard.
Meanwhile the child in me is laughing hysterically at him as the bubbles rapidly rise to the surface of the tub. Then the laughing ceased as I watched a massive deuce shoot out the back door. Tub time was over.
I hadn’t even washed the boy yet. Instead of getting cleaner, he was now covered in toot and deuce residue. So, I quickly pulled him out and set him on a towel as I drained the tub and moved the deuce from the tub to the toilet with large, thick wads of toilet paper. The wads weren’t quite thick enough. My hand now smelled like deuce. I washed the tub out with some Scrubbing Bubbles™ and washed my hands.
Fortunately, no more tinkle or deuce while he was out waiting for me to get things clean again. I started the water again and put him in. I finished clipping my toenails (might as well get it all done), and washed the boy clean.
Then I realized that I’d like to take a shower. So, I got the water going, opened up the drain and hopped in and turned the shower on. I pointed the shower head as close to the drain as I could and moved Shane to the opposite end of the tub. I figured I could keep the splash factor down to a minimum as I got myself clean, and Shane could just play with his toys. It wasn’t going to be that easy.
Shane was intrigued by what was happening with the shower. He looked at me strangely for a bit and then took off crawling towards my end of the tub. He’s not a fan of water on his face, so this new situation he found himself in wasn’t fun, but he didn’t know how to get out of it. I bent down and grabbed his arms and put him back at the other end of the tub. Then he just started crying/screaming.
I quickly fished cleaning up. I then reached down to pick him up and try to introduce him to the shower (there’s way less spray on the face when you are up higher). I think he thought it was pretty cool. I let the shower hit his back and he just stayed there and smiled. I thought we were going to have a happy ending, when I realized that my stomach had drastically increased in heat. I looked down to see that Shane figured it was a good time to take another tinkle.
I washed us both off again and then we got out. I got us both dry and he was showing signs of nap-readiness. So, now he sleeps, and I type. It was a happy ending regardless of what happened. Good memories!